


If I Wanted To Be Funny I’d Name This Fic “The Time Belt”

by jothending



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Gen, Like the real kind not the stolen century kind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22484875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jothending/pseuds/jothending
Summary: What's up with all this "fantasy this," "fantasy that" nonsense? Welcome to high tech,constant surveillance,rad lasers,no privacy,and even the fabled art of time travel--It's the FUTURE!But... Is this really how everything was supposed to turn out...? Something feels very wrong.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), not very ship focused but the canon ones are in there
Comments: 15
Kudos: 85





	1. Prologue/Teaser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again...?

Kravitz’s target is not hard to keep track of, with that robe flying like a signal flag down these city streets. Every street light and glowing sign under the black sky catches the vivid red cloth. The man has a head start, but he’s on foot. Kravitz has a motorbike.

The target ducks around a corner, into a wide alley. It’s the most he can do with what little head start he has. Kravitz’s foot clicks into the right pedal, and the bike comes to life, lines of red glowing down its sides. He can feel the road under him as he accelerates.

He swerves hard to avoid pedestrians, and their discontent does not go unvocalized. He’s one of few people licensed to drive a vehicle that isn’t fully automated, and it’s capable of getting a  _ lot _ closer to organic people than anything else allowed on the road.

Despite how close he gets, though, there’s no chance of anyone getting hit. He’s quick, he can feel the tires on the road, and he maneuvers with more precision than any non-augmented organics. There’s no delay between his thoughts and the bike’s actions.

Upon turning in to the alley, he immediately has to skid to a halt. The target is standing still, smack-dab in the middle of the alley street, staring him down.

Except… no, that’s not the target. It’s wearing that same robe, but its face glints silver in the headlights. It’s just abstract enough to look uncanny, but the longer Kravitz looks, there’s a quality to its face that’s almost… skull-like. Like a mirror to the mask Kravitz wears.

So  _ this _ is the anomaly.

“Barry Bluejeans,” Kravitz shouts, pulling a short rod out of a holster. It telescopes into a long baton, and then a light extends from the end: a scythe blade, projected in deadly red light. “You’ve got a hell of a bounty on your head.”

“Kravitz…?” The robot’s response is to startled, too genuine, too  _ knowing Kravitz’s name. _ He straightens the hood of its ragged, patched jacket. “I can’t--Wow, I can’t believe you’re a  _ cop _ this time. Shit. Okay.”

Barry doesn’t seem to be making any attempt to run. More than likely, he’s stalling so his accomplice, that human from earlier, can make a run for it. That’s fine, though; Barry is a much bigger target, and he probably knows it.

It’s lucky that he isn’t running off just yet. A tiny detail is gripping Kravitz around the chest with a cold, existential dread.  _ “This time?” _

“Uh, nothin’. What’s the bounty for?”

“Don’t play dumb.” The scythe is raised.

Barry doesn’t flinch. “No, really! I’ve done a couple’a different things in my life. I’m--I wanna know what I’m in for.”

He may as well know, at the end of his line. Kravitz can’t resist putting a crescendo into the conviction. “For body augmentation with unauthorized weapons. And for the highly illegal act of time travel, to an extent that may have majorly diverged the timeline,” Kravitz swings the scythe, and the blade is flung off the end, into a ball of plasmic energy. “You, my friend, are in for  _ death.” _

Barry actually moves when he sees the blast coming at him, but he’s not fast enough. It slams him into the wall and splatters across his torso. It corrodes the metal he’s made of, crushing him into the wall.

He slumps onto the ground, and Kravitz waits warily for a moment. But it’s easy to tell that the robot is more than destroyed. There’s no way some vital processes weren’t stored in that hole that now resides in his chest. He doesn’t ask any more questions, doesn’t even struggle as sparks splay out of his crumpled form.

Kravitz starts looking for something to put out the fire that’s starting on that awful, ancient robe. And then--

And then, as if pulled upwards by a string, the robot is dragged back up the wall, into a standing position. And then he jumps back into the center of the alley, but  _ jumps _ isn’t quite the right word. He just… goes. Back into the position he started in. He  _ rewinds. _

And then he starts patting the fire off his jacket. Underneath it, Kravitz can see that the metal of his torso is in perfect condition, unlike moments ago.

“So, time crimes,” Barry says, looking again at Kravitz with that unreadable, haunting face. “Heh! Who’d’a thunk.”


	2. Here There Be Goons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako encounters some weird folks.

“You know, from TV?”

“Oh… Oh! Is _that_ why I know your face?” That’s the wrong answer, almost instantly. It’s a shame, too, because Taako had a good feeling about this guy. But if he’s recognized, he isn’t safe.

“It’s just a thing I say. Haven’t actually been on the air in years.” Taako has to get out of here, but he needs to end the conversation naturally. Running will look suspicious. At worst, someone could call the police. At best, this guy might try to _help_ him.

“Well, what was the name of the show? I might know it.” This guy--Magnus, he’d said--is staring at him with an uncomfortable intensity. He’s like some kind of jock, Taako thinks, and this is probably the most brain power he’s put into anything in a decade. What an unfortunate use of it.

“You don’t.” That much, Taako can guarantee beyond a doubt. “Listen--”

“No, really, I’m determined now! Merle, can _you_ pin this guy?”

The third figure at the table is a dwarf who looks a few centuries out of place in this club. So these two _did_ come together. Taako can’t fathom why. Like, did this guy bring a friend’s grandpa in here?

Said grandpa is now looking Taako over with a newfound scrutiny. The total lack of augmentations on Magnus is what drew Taako to the table in the first place. Now it’s the only thing keeping him from sprinting out the door. Merle doesn’t look like he has any tech good enough to photograph or ID people, either, but it’s still a relief when the old man shrugs.

“Couldn’t tell ya! If I’ve seen him before, he may as well have been a patient at my old job, ‘cause I sure don’t remember any of _those_ faces…”

“You _literally_ recognized me yester… Oh, shit!” Magnus turns back to Taako with a grin. Taako’s hand darts to his side, near his weapon.

“Those broadcasts, on the Institute TV’s!” Magnus continues, looking absolutely elated. Taako freezes. “Department updates, safety stuff--I _knew_ I remembered you; there were _two_ of you!”

“Sorry?” Taako knows he doesn’t have any memory-space augmentations in his head. He _knows_ this, but his thoughts are going in a loop, looking for some way this guy could’ve somehow read his mind, his memories. It’s impossible to read a fully-organic brain, at least without a thorough scan, and you can’t do those _subtly_.

“You--You had a twin!” Magnus’ grin is faltering, slightly. “You guys researched tech stuff, forefront of the whole Institute, and she was all about… energy sources? I actually met her once, and she was _so_ cool, she made blasters as a hobby! And, and, sometimes there was this other guy on your channel, in jeans?” Magnus is babbling on, looking increasingly desperate. Taako is staring at him with wide eyes, which he’s apparently interpreting as a blank expression.

“No, I know all of that shit,” Taako cuts him off. “How the hell do _you_ know that?”

Magnus looks incomprehensibly relieved, like he’s just finished a race with his eyes closed, and then gotten told that he won.

“Ohhh, I remember now,” Merle says. “You sciencey nerds got eight people sent to the infirmary with that blaster explosion that one time!”

“The Institute isn’t real,” Taako says, echoing a thought he’s heard and hated countless times. “You _cannot_ tell me that the first fuckin’ people in _ten years_ to actually remember it are a couple of _losers_ in a club!”

“Now, that’s just hurtful.” Magnus is a bit distracted, rummaging through his bag. That’s another thing that stands out, the physical bag. Most folks these days just go for pocket-dimension lockers, but it looks like this guy’s gone full analog in every way.

“Not wrong, though,” Merle adds with a chuckle.

Magnus pulls something out of his bag, careful not to unearth everything else along with it. It’s a red cloth of familiar color… and shape. He turns it upright in his hands, and then holds it up to Taako.

The jacket is old and ragged, sewn together in a dozen places and sporting holes in a dozen more. The tag behind the neck looks like it might have had a name on it once. And on the front, there’s a patch.

Dark blue, with the emblem of an hourglass filled with multicolored sand. It’s immediately familiar, but the kicker is the four-letter initialism emblazoned across the patch.

Taako has had ten years to get familiar with every tear and patch on his own, near-identical jacket, and that’s the only thing keeping him from accusing Magnus of stealing it. This one belongs to Magnus. Magnus was in the ITRE.

“Shit,” Taako whispers, staring at the letters. He knows, with more certainty than he has known almost anything, that he cannot let these people go. They’re the only people who remember. They’re the only people who might help him find--

“Wait, if we’re the first people you’ve met who remember, does that mean your sister forgot?”

“Wouldn’t know,” Taako says, looking at his nails so he doesn’t have to meet eyes.

“Oh--Oh, I’m sorry--” Magnus begins, but Taako cuts him off.

“No, no, don’t give me any of that sympathy bullshit, she’s not _dead_ ,” Taako snaps. He doesn’t like the empathetic recognition in Magnus’ eyes, and he _really_ doesn’t like the _sorrow_ in that look. “I’m gonna find her. She’s just off the grid, like us.”

“You don’t think she’d… y’know, get an ID again? At some point?”

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Taako rolls his eyes. “She’s not stupid. When you get a free pass to shed the government’s eyes on your whole life, you don’t just _walk back up and hand them your name again_.”

"Yeah, okay, got me there," Magnus says, looking a little uncomfortable. "Guess I didn't know anyone else had beef with, uh, government… people. I mean-- now that I say that out loud, I--"

"Aw, man, my ID! That's what I keep forgetting to do," Merle says.

"For _ten years?_ "

"Well, keep forgetting," Taako says. 

"You got it, pal!"

Seeing someone who remembers it all is such an enormous relief, even if it doesn't _mean_ anything yet. Taako knows, despite every habit he's made in the past few years, that he's got to hold on to these people like his life depends on it, because his sister's might. It's all a means to an end. As long as he can get _her_ back.

So he _can't_ let these idiots slip through his fingers, not when they could be his only lead--

"...Anyway, I was thinking we could get together, travel around a bit," Magnus is saying. "Merle and I've got a job, actually-- like, a one-time gig-- and I wouldn't mind the extra backup, but it's kind of under-the-table and I dunno how you feel about…"

\--Oh, that works too.

"Sounds like a plan!" Taako cuts into Magnus's rambling again. "How well's it pay?"

"Lemme preface this by saying that it sounded ominous to me too," Magnus says, "But our client said it'd be _the last job we ever need to take_."

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to share it, [here's the tag for this fic on my tumblr](https://umbraastaff.tumblr.com/tagged/time-belt-fic/).
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Comments are always highly appreciated, as they are very high in calcium and will increase the height of my teeth.


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